trying to land my helicopter

"What a beautiful sunny morning," I've thought to myself nearly every day this summer.

"But, wait, is he out there?"

That's the next thought that enters my mind EVERY time I have the urge to sit or play out front with Sophie. Or even open the door.

Bad dog, you ask? Hoodlum? Ax murderer?

It's the 4-year-old boy who just moved across the street in July. And he has to be the most obnoxious kid I have ever met.

Can I cry now?

"Napoleon," "Alexander the Great," "Alexander" has very nice parents from New Jersey who worship the ground he walks on. I think the D word (discipline) is a bad word in their house.

And, let's just cut to the chase: I don't want Sophie playing with him.

Every encounter has always ended with Sophie crying.

Exhibit A: The first time Sophie interacted with Alex, an older neighbor girl had given him a pink play computer to borrow until his toys showed up. Being that is was pink and had buttons that did stuff, Sophie was like a moth to a flame with the thing and wanted to try it. Did Alex act selfish and not let Sophie play with it? You bet. But not just that. He said she could NEVER EVER EVER PLAY WITH IT. EVER!!!!! Nice.

Exhibit B: He walked up to us in the yard a few days later and said, (I kid you not): "Remember me? I'm the one who wouldn't let you play with my computer even though you really wanted to. I'm that kid."

Exhibit C: Alex was playing tetherball with the 6-year-old up the street. When the 6-year-old kicked his butt, the little ones, including Sophie, clapped. He then lashed out at the bystanders, saying "I hate you ALL!!!"

Exhibit D: Alex and his mom walked up to us yesterday, and Alex asked Sophie if she wanted to play. Sophie said no. (Yay!!!!!!!) He rolled his eyes (seriously!) and then spent the remainder of the afternoon tormenting her with a remote control monster truck that he was controlling from his front yard and yelling "I'm gonna scare you, Sophie!!!"

When I asked Sophie why she didn't want to play with Alex, she said he was a bad boy. (I did cartwheels inside.)

I know she is going to encounter bad eggs in life, sooner than we think. But all of her little friends at school are so, so sweet. And, really, at 3.5 years old, pretty much everyone she's ever played with has been sweet. Isn't it a little young to have to deal with this crap?

I admit that of the four main parenting types, I tend to be the helicopter parent. I know I need to let Sophie learn these things on her own and take care of herself. Which, obviously, she is.

This morning was the first day in a while that we hung out on the front stoop and played on the sidewalk. And even though I cringed every time I heard his front door open, it was so nice to have our relaxing space back.

Comments

[nancy]

when I was a little girl, there was this evil boy mathew who used to torment me--throw sand and gravel in my face from the back lane...and then there was richard who used to pelt hockey pucks my way...yeah, really nice. sophie doesn't need back memories like that! hopefully alex turns out alright in the end...!

[nancy]

...sorry, I mean Sophie doesn't need BAD memories like that!

[Amy (frugan)]

That sucks, but it sounds like Sophie can hold her own. Is there any way that he's just having a hard time adjusting after the move?

[ginny]

Hope it's just temporary, as well. I gave him the benefit of the doubt at first, but after a month straight of little tyrant behavior, I'm starting to wonder.

[Andrea]

He sounds like a horrid little boy. And good for Sophie for saying no.

[Stacey]

I'm with you Ginny, helicopter away. I feel like I'm all to often disciplining random children. It's no fun when he's actually across the street. I'd have a talk with the parents next time this kid goes full throttle. Sophie shouldn't be worried about playing in her own yard. Arghh.

[TheSwedeLife]

Sympathies! We have some neighbor kid issues, and it is good to deal with them head on if you can, if the kid lives close he will be part of your world. Give it right back- at 4 you can say to him in a compassionate and instructional way, when you do not share/ try to scare Sophie/ act like a bad sport it makes it not fun to be with you. It makes us want to go away from you. We love to play with neighbor kids, but only when they share, take turns, and try to make others feel included and happy. If you want to be THAT kid, you are welcome any time. Then helicopter away modeling acceptable with various do overs, showing how he could act that would make him a pleasure to be near. These book are somewhat unartful, but offer a direct and simple way for kids (and parents) to name and deal with those kinds of bad social interactions. Worth to show your girl how to deal with things, and hopefully, you can help the kid learn to behave on your turf. He is going to be around a while, at 4 he is are still teachable, so reflect back when ever you can what he is doing that does not work and what he could do instead. http://joyberrybooks.com/p.cfm?s=2&p=409

[ginny]

Heidi, thanks for helping me be a grown-up about it. :) Good advice. We ventured out there today and my girl was in tears again. Part of the problem is that she's very sensitive and takes his actions personally. The other part of the problem is that he's still a huge brat and his mother, who is right there, does not enforce acceptable behavior. I don't really understand how the other kids put up with him. I guess it's because they are older and not as sensitive as my girl. Really trying hard to figure out how to explain Alex's behavior to Sophie.

[Bonnie]

If he acts like that with you in your yard imagine what he is like at home? Hover away, no little sweet girl needs to be subjected to rude and horrible behavior. I never understand parents who let their kids get away with that sort of behavior. Those children will be adults one day and the practice of progressively more mature behaviors over 18 years help us to get there. Geesh! But an undisciplined and unguided child will be the same sort of adult if no one guides him to change
his behavior.